To Change The Things I Can
by AddieGreysPPPEvilRegal9119
Summary: Sam and Addison are married and go through a series of ups and downs that draw them closer as a couple and as a family. AU season 5 and onward; 3 shot. Loosely based on "Love me like the Last Time" Addisam/Henry/Ella.
1. Part I

**Hey Peeps!**

**So, I've been playing around with this idea for a while now. It was initially a storyline I did for an old Addison role play account. This is a 3 part series of one shots that are loosely based on my one shot "Love me like the last time". The only difference with this is that Addison and Sam have Henry and Addison has Ella, her daughter with Mark(she didn't have an abortion). It would be set between seasons 5 and 6 during the hiatus. Henry is a few weeks shy of his first birthday and Ella is 7. This, the first one shot picks up a few weeks after "Love me like the last time". It's pretty interesting and really intense. I hope you all enjoy it-oh and don't think I've forgotten about "Gone in the Night" or any of my other stories, this is just to hold you guys over; my brain's on overload from writing and updating all of those stories at one time. Lol. I hope you guys enjoy this story and I promise more updates of my other stories soon!**

**Xx**

_Part I_

This was the 3rd morning that he had found her in the bathroom throwing up; and this was worse than than the other two mornings.

"Addison" Sam called out

"Go away Sam!" his wife called back in between hurling into the toilet of their master bedroom

"Addison, you're sick; you need to take to take the day off" Sam said

"I'm fine Sam" the redhead said with a sigh as she opened the door looking rather pale after flushing the toilet and washing her hands

"Addie, you're not fine" Sam sighed

"Sam, I'm fine honestly; it's probably some bug I got from Ella or Henry" Addison said as she started feeling dizzy

"Addie, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just...oh"

"Addison?"

"I'm dizzy" the redhead managed before having to grab a hold to the counter for support as Sam rushed towards her

"Baby, you are not okay" Sam said

"Yeah, you're right, I'm not" Addison said as she winced in pain

"Addison?"

"Sam, something's not right" Addison said grabbing her stomach as she doubled over in pain

"Addison, Addison what's wrong?" Sam asked his wife

"Addie?"

"Blood Sam; there's blood" Addison whispered in fear

"Addie, it could be-"

"No Sam; I already _had_ my period" Addison said, fear laced within her voice; this was something much more serious

xx

"A miscarriage?" Sam said in disbelief as he lay in bed next to Addison

"Yes; there were two babies but, one didn't make it" Jake explained as Sam turned to look at Addison's blank expression

"Addie?"

"I had no idea; God, how could I not know?" Addison whispered

"Addison, you didn't have any symptoms" Jake said understandingly

"No Jake, I'm an OBGYN; I should've known" Addison said shaking her head as Sam held her close

"Hey, Addie, don't do that; you didn't know" Sam said to his wife

"But-"

"No buts; we had two babies but, we lost one. We're going to mourn that loss, but we have to remember that we still have one healthy baby" Sam told her

"Sam's right Addison; you're at about 10 weeks" Jake said with a small smile

"Wait, 10 weeks?" Addison looking at Jake while doing the math in her head

"Addie?" Sam asked

"10 weeks...oh my God" Addison laughed before pulling her husband in for a kiss

"What? I don't get it" Sam said once they pulled apart

"Sam, you kept your promise" Addison said with a smile as the realization of what she was saying to washed over her husband

"I did; we're having a baby" Sam said with a smile as he kissed his wife passionately.

* * *

_23 Weeks Pregnant_

"You two ready to see your baby?" Jake asked; Addison was nearly 6 months alon and the pregnancy was going very well so far and today, they were to find out the sex of their baby.

"Oh yeah, we're ready" Sam said with a laughg

"You two have a preference about the sex?" Jake asked

"Sam of course wants a boy" Addison said with a laugh

"What about you?"

"I'd be happy with either; I'm having a baby with the man I love so, I'm good with that" Addison said with a smile

"So, do you-"

"No, I'm not gonna look; we wanna find out the sex together" Addison told Jake

"Alrighty then" Jake said as he set up the ultrasound machine while Addison turned away

"Okay, heartbeat's strong, baby's growth is right on track. You two wanna look now and find out the sex?" Jake asked

"Yeah" Addison said turning to look at the screen as she watched her baby move around

"Wow" Sam said watching in amazement

"I know what the sex is" Addison said softly as a smile crept onto her face

"You do?" Sam asked

"Yeah" Addison nodded

"So do you wanna tell him or-"

"I'll tell him; see there's the head" Addison said as she pointed to the screen

"There's an arm and-"

"Wait, right there what's that?" Sam said pointing to the screen as his wife laughed

"That would be our little girl's...you know" Addison said

"Girl? It's a girl?"

"Yeah Sam, we're having a little girl"

"Wow" Sam said staring at the screen in amazement

"And you're okay with this, that we're having a little girl?"

"I'm fine with it; I have Henry so, I'll be fine. Wow, now I've got 3 beautiful girls" Sam said as he kissed his wife softly

"I love you, you know that, right?"

"And just when I think you can't get any cuter" Sam said with a laugh before kissing his wife again

xx

_30 weeks_

The storm outside seemed to be rather unsettling to baby girl Montgomery-Bennett as she kicked her mother furiously, causing the redhead to toss and turn for most of the night. That is, until she got an unsettling pain in her lower back that wouldn't stop. Apparently, sleep seemed to elude all of the occupants in the large queen sized bed that night as Sam sat up, noticing his wife's discomfort.

"Addie, you alright?" Sam asked, sleep evident in his voice

"No, Sam something's not right; I think she's angry or something" Addison said as she rubbed her back, clearly in pain

"She moving around a lot?" Sam asked as he immediately began to massage his wife's lower back, stopping when she cried out in pain and began holding her stomach

"Addison?" Sam asked once he heard his wife gasp in fear as she pulled back the sheets

"Addison, babe, talk to me"

"Water"

"What?"

"My water broke and, there's, Sam there's blood" Addison whispered, her voice laced with fear

"Okay, okay we'll call Jake and-" Sam started but was cut off by a pained scream from his wife

"Addison?"

"Oh God! It hurts, it hurts!" Addison moaned out in pain

"Okay, baby, stay calm, alright, I'm gonna call Jake and then call an ambulance" Sam said trying to main calm; but him being calm went straight out the window as his wife let out another scream of pain

"Sam! Oh God! Sam it hurts, it hurts! There's so much blood!"

"Sam? What's wrong?" Came the voice of 7 year old Ella who stood in the doorway, 16 month old Henry on her hip. Swallowing hard, Sam turned to his step daughter trying to remain as calm as possible.

"Ella, your mom's in early labor; I need you to listen to me very carefully, I need you to take my phone and call Amelia and have her come over and get you and Henry. Then I need you to get dressed and grab Henry's baby bag; your mom keeps one packed in his room in case of emergencies. Go downstairs and grab a few bottles and put them in his bag for me, alright?"

"Sam, is mommy-"

"Ella, I know you're scared; I am too but we have to help each other out. I need you to be a big girl and do what I say alright?"

"O-okay; Sam I'm scared. What if mommy and the baby-"

"They're gonna be alright, I promise" Sam said pulling the girl into a hug before sending her out of the room.

His heart was literally beating out of his chest as he watched his wife scream and cry out in unbearable pain. Swallowing hard, he grabbed his cell phone and called an ambulance and then Jake.

She had to be okay; they both had to be.

xx

"What the hell happened?" Jake asked as the EMTs rushed Addison into St. Ambrose on a stretcher

"I don't know; she was asleep and woke up, said she was having some discomfort and then she saw blood and water and then she was screaming in pain" Sam said, his words jumbling together

"Shit" Jake cursed as he began to examine Addison

"What is it?"

"The Placenta's completely detached" Jake said as Addison screamed out in pain

"Addison, Addison talk to me" Jake said to his friend

"She's coming Jake! The baby's coming!" Addison screamed out

"Okay, okay I can see that; Addison whatever you do, you cannot push"

"Jake! She is crowning! I can feel her head! OH GOD!" Addison said before screaming out in agonizing pain

"Shit; Okay, there's no time to get her to an OR. Dammit; page the NICU and then book an OR" Jake instructed a nurse who quickly ran off to do as she was told

"Okay Addison, you've got no choice but to push, but once you do that, you're gonna start bleeding out, fast and-"

"Save her" Addison said turning to face Sam

"What?"

"Make sure that they do everything they can to save her"

"Addison-"

"Paige, that's her name; Paige Mackenzie"

"Addie-"

"If I don't make it-"

"Don't, don't talk like that Addison"

"You have to tell her how much I loved her and Ella and Henry. Tell Paige I tried so hard" Addison said as tears fell down her cheeks

"Babe"

"I love you; I love you more than anything" Addison said before pulling her husband in for a passionate kiss

"Don't leave me" Sam said as tears fell down his own cheeks

"My trust fund, split it between the three of them; you and Mark have to share Ella, she's gonna need you both" Addison said just as another contraction hit

"Addison, I need you to push for me" Jake said

"I love you Sam, so much" Addison said as she began to push.

Less than 2 minutes later, Jake was suctioning out Sam and Addison's daughter's mouth and passing her off to the NICU team

"Alright, let's move to the OR now!" Jake shouted as Sam rushed beside the gurney holding his wife

"Addie?" Sam choked out

"Sam?"

"Yeah babe"

"I love..." she started before her eyes closed, her hand falling limp onto the gurney

"Addison? Addison? Addison wake up!" Sam said as Jake turned around

"Dammit, she's going into shock from the blood loss" Jake said as his team began trying to resuscitate the redhead

"Sam, we have to get her to surgery if she has any chance-"

"Save her; you save her Jake do you hear me?" Sam said

"I'm gonna do everything I can to save her" Jake told his friend before rushing off towards the OR with a very pale and lifeless looking Addison.

And then the wait began.

* * *

Sitting in the waiting room waiting on news about his wife and daughter was the absolute worst. It didn't take long for the rest of the members of the practice to hear what had happened before they were rushing comfort Sam as best as possible; but Sam was inconsolable at that point. All he wanted, all he needed was for his wife to be alright. All that they had been through, he didn't want to believe that it was supposed to end this way. No, he had made mistakes in his relationship with the redhead but, he quickly realized what an idiot he was did all that he could to repair those mistakes. They had come so far, they had a son together, Henry. Then there was Ella, the bright eyed mini Addison who loved her mother more than life itself at times it seemed. How was he going to tell the 7 and a half year old that her mother, her source of living was dead? Henry was just over a year old, so he wouldn't have any memories of his mother; he had just recently started talking and his favorite word besides 'Lela (Ella) was 'Mama'. The way his little boy's eyes would light up at the mention of his mother became too much for Sam.

"I can't lose her, I can't" he said as he buried his head in his hands just as Jake walked into the waiting area, his face void of expression.

"Jake, tell me something" Sam said desperately

"It took us a while to get her heart started again, but we were able to stop the bleeding"

"So she's okay, right?"

"...She slipped into a coma Sam; Amelia did a full neuro work up and she said that there didn't appear to be any permanent brain damage. She said that while there was no blood flow or oxygen to the brain for a while, it wasn't enough to cause any damage. But, with the shock and trauma that's happened to her body, it could be a while before she wakes up, if she ever wakes up" Jake said

"And the baby?"

"The NICU's doing all they can; she's tiny but, she's fighting. Her lungs keep switching from in utero to regular breathing because her lungs are underdeveloped. She's really tiny and there appears to be an irregularity with her heart which, we are keeping a close monitor on. Her body went through a pretty serious trauma as well Sam so, it's taking a lot out of her"

"So basically, they could both die?" Sam said numbly

"It's very possible; but it's also possible that they could both-"

"Save me the bullshit hope Jake" Sam said as he walked away

xx

Explaining everything to Ella was not as bad as he thought, but worse. The 7 year old completely shut down, refusing to speak to anyone. Henry was confused and scared by everything that had happened, looking around for his mother anytime Sam said the word 'Mommy', only for her not to appear, making the infant cry; he was used to his mother appearing with a bright smile whenever someone would mention her name. When he wasn't tending to his other 2 children, he was spending as much time with his youngest daughter as possible, when he wasn't sitting devotedly next to his wife's bedside, crying and pleading with her to wake up.

Ella didn't understand any of what was going on; her mother was fine just the other day. Then she'd woken up and both her mother and baby sister's lives hung in the balance. Her mother didn't seem to be showing signs of waking up any time soon, and her baby sister's future seemed highly uncertain. There was no one there to comfort her, no one there to assure her that everything would be alright. Sam tried but, he was just as freaked out as she was. She could tell by the way he would get choked up at the mention of her mother. She only had Henry, who didn't quite understand what was going on, but he could tell that the solid dynamic of his family had been drastically shaken to its core. Waking up every morning and not having their mother there definitely changed the two small children, who instantly began to depend on one another.

Nothing was certain anymore, with the constant fighting going on amongst the adults, Ella Sloan and Henry Bennett were often unintentionally left alone wandering around the hospital. On this particular day, Ella decided to venture off towards the ICU where her mother was, though she'd been told that she couldn't visit her because wasn't old enough; screw the rules the 7 year old thought as she traveled down the hall, carefully holding Henry's hand as he toddled beside her.

"C'mon Henry, we're gonna go see mommy" Ella said to her little brother

"Mommy?" Henry said, instantly looking around her

"Yeah, we're gonna go see mommy today"

"Mommy!" Henry said excitedly

"Shh!" Ella instructed her brother, putting 1 finger to her lips, causing Henry to instantly mock her.

"Shhh!"

Standing directly in front of the nurses station, their mother's room was the first room they noticed as their mother lie very still in her hospital bed.

"Mommy!" Henry said happily as he began trying to pull away from his sister

"No Henry, wait! We have to be very quiet, shhh, remember?" Ella said reminding her brother by putting a finger to her lips

"Shhh!" Henry said as Ella picked him up and quietly snuck past the nurses and into their mother's room.

"Mama!" Henry said happily, squirming to get out of his sister's arms onto the bed with his mother.

"Henry, mommy's sleeping" Ella tried to explain as she placed the boy onto the bed, watching as he sat there staring intently at his mother's sleeping form

"Mama?" Henry said quietly as he reached out and poked her nose as he often did to get her to wake up the mornings. When nothing happened, Henry simply decided to cuddle up next to her.

Ella however, remained standing near the end of the bed, watching as her mother's chest rose and fell. It was scary seeing her mother like this, so sick looking. Blinking back tears, the little girl pulled up a chair and sat next to her mother, gently stroking her Red hair.

"Hi momma, it's me, Ella; Henry's here too, but I think he's sleepin now" she said looking over and noticing that her baby brother had indeed curled up next to their mother and fallen asleep, thumb in his mouth.

"We miss you mommy, a lot. Nobody's been the same since you fell asleep; Sam's always sad now. Daddy's here now, cause Auntie 'Melia called him. Alex and Arizona came too, to check on the baby; she's really, really little. Sam and Jake said she was born too soon, that's why she was so sick and that's why you got so sick. I heard Sam say her name was Paige, I like that name, Paige Mackenzie. It works with me and Henry's names. We miss you Mama, a lot; please wake up soon because, it's scary out here. Me and Henry are always by ourselves; Sam takes us home but, he's too worried about you and Paige. Nobody's thinking about me and Henry, cause they all, we all want you and Paige to get better real soon. Sometimes, I feel like nobody loves me but Henry, not even daddy or Sam" Ella said wiping her eyes with the back of her long sleeved shirt.

Soon enough, both Ella and Henry had fallen asleep with their mother; it took the other adults over an hour to realize that the children were missing. Sam was the one to find them lying there fast asleep with their mother.

"I never realized how much this affected them" he said quietly as he watched his son and the girl he'd come to love as if she were his own daughter sleep peacefully by their mother's side for the first time since everything had occurred. He didn't have the heart to move either one of them, even though Charlotte had protested, but she too eventually caved once she saw how peaceful young Ella and Henry seemed.

"They miss you babe, we all do; please Addison, wake up soon"

It wasn't long before Sam too found himself fast asleep in his wife's room.

* * *

At first, he thought he was dreaming, that he'd only felt his wife's hand move. However, when he felt the movement again, he knew that it was real, that it was finally happening. Opening his eyes and blinking, he was startled to see his wife's eyes open, staring directly at him. She seemed groggy, as if she didn't remember anything, which would be normal. He saw the panicked look in her eyes once she tried to say something and realized that she couldn't. Trying to remain as calm as possible, he stood up and moved towards the bed, carefully trying to take the intubation tube out of Addison's throat.

"Okay Addie, I need for you to blow out for me on three, one, two, three. That's it, that's it" Sam said, barely able to contain his emotions at the sight of his wife breathing on her own. After giving her a cup of water, he carefully leaned in and kissed her passionately, just as their two children began to stir.

"Mommy!" Ella cried out happily just as Henry sat up, rubbing his head, his confusion instantly gone at the sight of his mother opening her eyes.

"Mama!" the little boy said as both he and his sister cuddled their mother, who simply held them close while she cried.

"Sam" Addison whispered looking over at her husband who was no longer able to contain his emotions

"I'm so glad you're okay, so glad" Sam muttered before kissing her again.

"What happened? Is the baby, is she okay?"

"She's a fighter, just like her mama" Sam said with a smile as he watched his wife's eyes tear up all over again.

xx

"So Karev, tell me, is Paige okay?" Addison asked her former intern turned attending

"She was touch and go for a while but, she's your kid; you should've known she'd survive. I'm pretty sure you talked all sorts of baby mumbo jumbo to her while you were carrying her; I can almost guarantee that she learned something while she was still in there" Karev said, making Addison roll her eyes as she looked over at Izzie Stevens, still shocked that the Blonde was not only back in Seattle but working at Seattle Grace Mercy West again and dating, now engaged to Karev.

"Paige is doing fine Dr. Montgomery, though I'm sure she'd like to see her mommy; she's been uncharacteristically fussy since word got around that you woke up" Izzie said

"I'd definitely like to see her too" Addison said as Karev set up everything.

She was able to walk to the nursery where her daughter was, seeing as she was no longer in need of the NICU's care since she had grown significantly in weight and all of her initial problems seemed to have disappeared. It didn't take long for Addison to notice which baby was hers; the one on the end with the richest dark brown curls she had ever seen.

Almost as if she could sense her mother's presence, Paige instantly let out a whimper as Izzie carefully scooped her out of the plastic bassinet she was in and walked towards Addison.

"I'm recommending that you Kangaroo her, ya know to make sure that she's-"

"Karev, Alex, I get it; thank you, thank you both for all that you've done for her" Addison said as Izzie handed her her daughter who instantly stopped fussing. Carefully unbuttoning her shirt, Addison placed the little girl on her chest, watching as she opened her eyes which were exactly like her mother's.

"Hi there Paige, hi baby girl" Addison cooed at her daughter who seemed instantly attached to her voice.

"You remember me, I'm your mommy, yeah I am. I'm so sorry baby girl that I couldn't come see you. But I bet that your daddy's been here with you most of the time hasn't he? You know, you've got the best daddy in the world, and I'm so lucky to have him; because I love him and your sister and your brother so much. Oh, and I love you too" Addison said as she leaned down and kissed her daughter's head, feeling as if nothing could be better than this moment she was currently in.

xx

_4 Weeks Later_

"Hey, how's she doin?" Sam Bennett asked his wife as she came down the stairs, baby monitor in hand

"_She_, is out like a light; they all are" Addison said referring to their 10 week old daughter Paige with a smile as she sat down on the couch with her husband, their house finally quiet.

"I love you, you know that?" Sam asked as he began to run his hands through his wife's hair

"Hmmm, I know, and I love you too" Addison said as she sat up, taking Sam's face in her hands and kissing him softly.

"I'm so sorry honey" she said softly

"For what?" Sam asked

"For almost leaving you, for making you choose her over me"

"Addison-"

"No, I'm sorry; I shouldn't have done that" the redhead said, resting her head on her husband's shoulder

"Hey, look at me; Paige is our daughter and you did what you thought was best for her, for us at the time. I can't fault you for that Addison; that's what makes you an amazing mother" Sam said kissing his wife passionately.

"Mmmm, Sam" Addison moaned against his lips as she shifted so that she was in his lap as he pressed kisses to her neck.

"You want me to stop?" Sam muttered

"Mmmm, no; but I don't want this to be rushed, I want it to be-"

"Like the last time?" Sam teased

"No, like the first time, when we made Paige" Addison said softly as she pulled him in for another kiss. It wasn't long before clothing was shed and Addison made love to her husband on their couch, feeling as if nothing in the world could touch them; they were indestructible...

_Part II to follow..._


	2. Part II

**Hey Guys! **

**I know it's been a while (2 months to be exact) since I updated this story. I apologize for that. Anywho, I'm back now with another chapter. This is set about 18 months after the first chapter. If you get confused, you can always go back and read the first chapter again. Playbys for Ella Henry and Paige are as follows: Darcy Rose Byrne/Elle Fanning(Ella) Aiden Housely (Henry) and...I don't have a definite playby for Paige but, try Halle Berry's daughter Nhala or Heidi Klum's daughter Lou. Anywho, I hope you all enjoy reading, and as always, don't forget to review! Oh and I have to say, this chapter's pretty long, 13 pages! Woo! Lol. I debated on doing more but, I think I'll save the rest for the final chapter)**

**Xx**

_People plan, and God Laughs_...what a load of bullshit. She didn't plan for any of this, so either the universe has a sick and twisted sense of humor, or God seriously hates her guts.(A girl cheats...technically, one time and this is what she gets!). It's ironic, how her life's panned out. She wanted kids, but was smart enough to wait until she was married; so, she married _Derek Christopher Shepherd_. _Then_, she wanted to wait until they had both finished with their residency's; because she knew that raising a kid while you're a surgical resident would be damn near impossible. _Plus_, she sure as hell didn't want her kids being raised like she was: by a nanny. However, once they finished their residency's, her marriage exploded and...she cheated on her husband. Then, it was 'oh no, you can't have Mark Sloan's baby, not now; that would be unseemly'. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans; she didn't have the heart to abort she and Mark's baby. Thus, Ella Montgomery-Sloan was born 9 months later.

As if her life couldn't get any more crazier, when Ella was about 3, she decided that she was ready to try for another baby, this time, through IVF. Sadly, she was told that her egg count was low; so low in fact, that if she did try and have another baby, she would be at risk for miscarriage and or pre term labor(The fact that she was over the age of what was considered 'normal' for childbearing didn't help much either). So, she waited, _and waited, and waited_, until she couldn't wait any longer. Somehow, during her 'waiting' process, she fell in love with her best friend's ex husband(oh the irony!).

Being with Sam felt right, and so her 'waiting' phase was over; she was going to have a baby, with Sam. Tragically, Sam (at the time), just wasn't ready for more kids. It was a hard decision but, she broke up with Sam and decided to look into adoption. Thankfully, Sam came to his senses and realized that he did want to have a baby with Addison; he was just afraid that he would fail as a parent, seeing as Maya was 18, married with a 2 year old. Everything seemed to work out just fine, because not long after they had gotten married, they adopted Henry. Things continued to keep looking up for them because, much to their surprise, they got pregnant-the old fashion way; and, they weren't even trying.

Unfortunately, their luck took a bad turn; Addison suddenly went into pre term labor at 30 weeks. Their daughter, Paige Mackenzie Bennett, had a rough time, with requiring a small heart surgery plus, her immune system was virtually nonexistent. She spent the first year of her life, in and out of the hospital for various reasons. Now, as if God truly hated her, Addison Forbes Montgomery's life, was about to take another serious nose dive...in the form of...

Cancer.

Stage 2b; Ovarian.

_xx_

Ovarian Cancer? Of _all_ of the cancers she should get, if would be Ovarian. Her ovaries..._her fucking ovaries!_ She knew that something wasn't right when while she was having sex with Sam, it suddenly became painful. Now that, was something serious; they'd had sex..._a lot_, and she _never_ felt pain, well, pain in a good way but this, this was far worse than anything else. The pain was so bad to the point that she was nearly in tears. Also, there was the way that her clothes fit, around her waist, tighter than usual. Sam attributed it to the fact that she was just gaining weight, in all of the right places. This however, wasn't enough for her so, she made an appointment to see Jake.

She knew that it was cancer from the moment Jake said the word "cyst". He tried assuring her that it was normal to get cysts, which she knew; but her symptoms were just...to similar to that of Ovarian cancer for her not to worry. Jake of course, being a good doctor and friend, told her not to worry, and that he would rush the results, for which she was utterly thankful for. By the time she made it home, she couldn't keep the fact that she was worried a secret, especially from her family.

"Babe, you've barely touched your food, something wrong?" Sam asked as they sat at the dinner table with their three children that evening.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry honey; just...there's a lot on my mind, that's all" she said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Is it a patient?" The nearly 8 year old Ella asked

"Uh, yeah, sort of" Addison said, mustering up a smile for her eldest daughter, who always seemed to be in tune with her mother's feelings.

The fact she was worried didn't go unnoticed by the redhead's two younger children either. When she went to put Henry to bed, the 3 year old made sure to give his mama an extra long hug that night.

"What's wrong baby?" She asked

"You needed a Henry cuddle" the little boy said with an innocent smile, which of course made his mother melt.

Even baby Paige knew something was off with her mother as she rocked her to sleep. Looking up at her mother, the 18 month old kissed her mother, before nuzzling into her chest. The fact that her family knew something was up, made her fear increase even more.

"You wanna talk about it?" Sam asked as he sat in bed reading a medical journal as ESPN played the highlights of the night's NCAA basketball game in the background.

"Hmmm?" Addison said as she crawled into bed next to her husband

"_I'm not stupid Addison_; I _know_ something's up, you can tell me you know" Sam said, placing his magazine onto the nightstand before turning off the television.

"Sam I..." Addison started, but she couldn't even say it; because if she said it, then it would be real, and that, she wasn't ready for. Sensing his wife's pain, Sam takes her face into his hands and kisses her softly

"Hey, baby talk to me" Sam said softly

"I...I can't" Addison said as tears fell down her face, which she promptly buried into her husband's bare chest.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh; whatever it is, we'll get through it together, alright? I love you" Sam said

She couldn't respond, because with this, she wasn't sure if love would be enough in order for them to survive the impending news she would receive on tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning is a blur. She barely remembers any of it. She knows that she dropped Ella of at school, Henry off at Pre-School and she kissed Paige goodbye as she walked out of the door. She can literally hear her heart beating in her ears as she makes her way to the practice. Once the elevator dings, signaling that she's reached the 5th floor, she's not sure if she wants to get off of the elevator; but Jake is standing there, results in hand so, she knows that she has to.

"Do you want me to go get Sam?" Jake asks as Addison shakes her head in response

"Does he even know?" Jake asks as she simply shakes her head once again.

Sighing heavily, Jake hands Addison the results

"I can't" she says quickly, shoving the paper back into his hands

"Addison-"

"I can't do it Jake, I just, I can't; if I read those results then...everything changes"

"Alright, I'll do it" Jake says as he unfolds the paper.

In the moment that he reads the results, he immediately wishes that he hadn't.

She knows that it's over when he looks at her with a pained expression, followed by the words,

"Addison, I'm so sorry"

Immediately, her whole body goes numb; she hears Jake tell her that's it's Ovarian Cancer(Isn't that a bitch?) and that it's at stage 2 b, which means she has about a 50 percent chance of survival, if they act quickly. He makes a couple of phone calls, instantly getting her the best oncologist that money and medicine has to offer. Once he hangs up, he notices that she's still sitting there, her face blank, void of any expression.

"Addison?" He calls out, but gets no response

As if on cue, Sam walks into Jake's office.

"Hey man, have you seen...oh, there she is...Addie? Addison? Babe, talk to me" Sam says, crouching down in front of his wife.

"...I have cancer"

He feels like he's been punched, no stabbed in the gut, repeatedly. His wife, his beautiful, perfect wife, has cancer. How can this be? She's a gynecologist for Christ's sake! This is like some, bad,_ bad_ dream he thinks to himself. He feels as if someone has ripped his heart out of his chest at the news. She can't say anything, she's in shock herself, so it's Jake that explains everything to him. She had symptoms and came in for a routine check up and...the rest is history.

"Is that why you were so worried last night?" he manages, but only gets a small nod in response

"Oh, baby, baby I'm so-"

"Don't. Don't tell me you're sorry Sam just, don't. I can't do this. I can't have, c-cancer. I just, this isn't happening to me. I, I, I'm married! I have a career, I have, I have 3 kids! My baby's only..." she can't finish her sentence because she soon finds herself sobbing, uncontrollably. Her husband can't do anything but hold her close, as bitter tears soon find themselves escaping his eyes; Jake carefully exits the office and has the receptionist cancel both of his friend's patient's for the day.

_xx_

Jake miraculously got them an appointment that day to see the oncologist, whose office is in Marina Del Ray. They make the drive in silence, with Addison looking out the window, gazing at nothing in particular.

"Baby?"

"It hurt" she says suddenly

"What?"

"That one time, last week when we had sex...it hurt"

"You mean when you told me to stop?"

"Mmhm. It hurt; I should've known then that something was wrong because, it's never hurt before"

"Oh, baby"

"I'm scared Sam" she says turning to face him

"I'm scared too; but hey, Jake says this guy is the best and-"

"He is, Glenn Porter really is the best; I've referred a couple of patient's to him"

"It's gonna be alright, okay?"

"Do you think this is happening because I cheated?" Addison asks suddenly

"What?"

"Do you think God is punishing me, because I cheated on my husband with his best friend, got pregnant, tried to have an abortion but didn't? Then I slept with my best friend's ex husband...I broke about 5 of the ten commandments right there" She says

"Addison, God is not punishing you" Sam says with a sigh

"Well then why Sam? Why is this happening to me?" She asks, her voice tightening at the thought of why this was happening to her

"I don't know Addie; I don't know, but I know that God wouldn't do something like this because you made a couple of mistakes" Sam tells her

"A couple? Sam, do you know-"

"You've done more good than you have bad. You're a good person Addison. You're an incredible wife, an amazing mother, you're giving, you're kind, you save lives Addison. You save mother's and babies lives everyday. You give people hope when they shouldn't have hope. So if God's going to punish you because you made a couple of mistakes, then I don't wanna believe in a God like that"

"Then what do you believe in then?"

"I believe in a God who is loving, and kind and forgiving. God wouldn't do this to you on purpose. I don't why it happened but, it just happened Addie; but we're gonna get through this, okay? I promise you that" Sam tells his wife, reaching out to squeeze her hand tightly.

* * *

They meet with Glenn Porter, who is extremely kind to them.

"Dr. Montgomery" Glenn says, extending his hand

"No, please, Dr. Porter, Addison is just fine, especially since I'm..."

"I understand, Addison; Glenn is just fine for me then" the older man says to her

"And you must be, her husband, right?"

"Right; Sam, _Dr._ Sam Bennett" Sam says extending his hand for Glenn to shake

"Sam Bennett, right, right;_ Dr. Feel Good_" Glenn says, making Sam chuckle

"Yeah, Dr. Feel Good"

Glenn gets directly down to business: he suggests surgery, as soon as possible. The sooner they do the surgery, the faster they can start chemo; but it's not without risks.

"This type of chemo, is highly advanced; I'm not gonna lie to you, it's much worse than regular chemo. You'd be taking more chemo at longer intervals"

"How many days?" Addison asks

"Every day, several hours"

"How soon would you wanna do the surgery?" Sam asks

"As soon as possible, but I'm suggesting that you stay in the hospital after the surgery, to get your body used to the chemo, because-"

"I'll do it" Addison says quickly

"How long would she need to stay?" Sam asks

"About a month"

"A month?" Addison asks, suddenly growing fearful

"Addie?"

"I have 3 kids..." Addison says

"Addie-"

"I can't" she says firmly, shaking her head

"Addison," Glenn starts

"I said NO! I _cannot_, I _will not_ leave my children for a month. I just, I can't"she says, making both her husband and her oncologist sigh

"Let me explain this to you; once you start the chemo, you won't be any good to your kids. You won't be able to do anything for them; in fact, you'll probably scare them with how sick you're going to get. The first week or so, is the worst. I need to keep you in the hospital so that I can keep an eye on you and how your body reacts to the chemo. Addison...it's the only way"Glenn says to her

"I..."

"Babe, they'll be okay, I promise you; I will-"

"I'll do it" Addison says tearfully

"Addison-"

"I'll do it; I don't want them to grow up without a mother" she chokes out

"They won't, I promise you that" Sam says pulling his wife into a tight hug

"Addison, I promise you that I'm gonna do everything I can to ensure that we kick this cancer's ass. You should know me by now; you know what my success rate is" Glenn says to her

"I know, I know" she sniffles

"We can schedule the surgery for-"

"I need some time" she says suddenly

"Addison-"

"Ella. My daughter, she turns 8 the day after tomorrow and, I don't wanna ruin her birthday. She deserves a good birthday. I just need that day, please"

"Okay, we'll schedule the surgery for after that" Glenn says, understanding why she needs this

"Thank you"

_xx_

The ride home is just as silent as the drive to Dr. Porter's office.

"Baby?" Sam prompts

"She needs a good birthday this year" Addison says softly

"She does" Sam nods

"I still have to tell Mark" she says, staring out the window

"We'll call him"

"No; this isn't something I can just, tell him over the phone"

"So, you want him to-"

"I wanna fly there"

"You wanna fly to Seattle?"

"Yeah; that way I can just, tell them all at once; Derek, Callie, Bailey, Richard"

"Okay, okay" Sam nods

"I need you to call Naomi"

"Naomi?"

"Someone has to run the practice, take over my patience; Jake can't handle them all"

"So you want Nae-"

"She's the only one I trust with the practice. If the administrative duties get too crazy, there's Charlotte. I just, she may hate me, for marrying you, for having Henry and Paige with you but, I need her here Sam" Addison says, her voice breaking

"Okay, I'll call her"

"Thank you" she says, taking his hand

"It's fine Addison"

"No, I mean, thank you, really; for everything"

"Addison-"

"No Sam; I mean, you've been so amazing to me and, I love you so much...I just, I want you to know that, how much I love you; and I don't ever want you to forget that, okay?" Addison says, trying her best not to get too choked up.

Sam can't take it anymore and instantly pulls the car onto the side of the freeway.

"Sam, Sam what are you doing?"

"_You're not dying Addison_" he says, his hands still firmly planted on the steering wheel

"What?"

"I said you're not _dying_ on me; not today, not ever. You're not allowed to die until you're like, _90_ or something. You _cannot_ die on me Addie; you aren't allowed to quit on me, on us do you hear me? _Do you get to be scared_? Yes. _Do you get to cry_? Of course. But leaving me, leaving our children, that's not an option Addison do you understand me? You cannot die because that would be _selfish_, and I would, I would _never_ forgive you if you just, gave up like that. You are _Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery-Bennett_, _world class surgeon, smartest woman I know; _the world's _best_ mom and a _damn_ good wife. You don't get to quit" Sam says, feeling a lump begin to form in his throat before pulling out his cellphone.

"You see this?" Sam says holding out his cellphone to her; his lock screen is a picture of the two of them and all 3 children, taken out on the beach a few weeks back.

"Sam, stop" Addison says softly, pushing the phone away

"No, you need to see this"

"Sam, I said stop it"

"No. Look at them" Sam says of the three smiling children

"I don't want to"

"You need to Addison"

"I DON'T WANT TO! Stop it Sam just, just_ stop it okay_!"

"No! Because you need to see-"

"_I KNOW OKAY_! _I KNOW_! I can't look at them because..._I'm scared_! _I am terrified Sam_! _I don't wanna leave them! I don't wanna die, okay!? I am scared to death Sam!_ I don't wanna leave them, _or you_! I don't want this to be happening to me! When I look at that picture, I'm reminded of what I stand to lose! Paige...she's just a baby! And Henry, he's my little boy and Ella..._I don't wanna die Sam_! Baby, I am _scared_ of dying! What if it's not enough Sam? What if the chemo's not enough I mean, Erica had Derek _and_ Amelia operate on her and she _still_ died and left Mason all alone and...I don't wanna leave my babies all alone Sam!"

Feeling his wife's pain, Samuel Bennett immediately pulls off his seat belt and pulls his wife onto his lap, holding her close, kissing the top of her head.

"You are not going to die, do you hear me?" He tells her, repeatedly kissing the top of her head while she cries.

"You're_ not _gonna die, and our kids are _not_ gonna be left alone. You have to make me a promise Addie, that you're gonna fight this, that you're gonna fight this, you're gonna _fight like hell_ to come back home to me; because, _I need you Addison_. I am _hopelessly_ in love with you, _so much_ that it _hurts_. So you have to _promise me_ that you'll_ fight like hell_ to come home, to come back to me, _to us_" Sam says, not caring that he too is a crying mess

"I promise Sam, I promise" she tells him before kissing him passionately.

* * *

They decide to tell everyone at the practice first; though they call Naomi beforehand, asking her to come to LA, because they have 'business' that they'd like to discuss with her concerning the practice.

"Alright Montgomery, make it quick, cause I've got 3 hungry babies that need me" Charlotte King says as everyone sits in the conference room, all eyes on Sam and Addison.

"Wait, something's wrong" Amelia says, noticing how different both Sam and Addison look

"Are you two, getting a divorce?" Violet asks, causing Naomi to snort

"If that were the case, then they wouldn't have called me here" she says

"Is the practice okay?" Cooper asks

"I...I..."Addison begins, but isn't able to finish; taking his wife's hand and squeezing it, Sam makes the announcement.

"Addison has stage 2b Ovarian cancer; she's having surgery in a couple of days and staring chemo immediately. We called this meeting, to let everyone know. Nae, we asked you to come, because we want you to take over administrative duties, as well as some of Addie's patients. If the administrative duties get too hard then, Charlotte, we were hoping that you'd assist. I'll still be here, but once she starts chemo, I'm cutting back on my hours so that Ella, Henry and Paige are properly looked after" He says as everyone sits there in shock, looking to Addison for some sort of confirmation

"It's true, I have, cancer" Addison says tearfully nodding as everyone remains where they are, utterly shocked at the curve ball that they've been thrown.

"So, if you guys don't have any other questions then, we've gotta get going; we're headed to Seattle so that Addie can go and talk to Mark" Sam says

"Wait, so you just come in and drop this huge bomb on us and then tell us that you're going to _Seattle_?" Amelia says, her tone sounding more accusatory and angry than anything

"I want this to be as normal as possible"Addison says quietly

"_Normal?!_ You have_ cancer!_ That is _not_ normal!" Amelia shouts

"Amelia,_ please_, don't do this; this is already hard as it is" Sam says quietly, squeezing his wife's hand

"How do you think we feel?" Amelia says as hot tears sting her eyes

"Amelia" Charlotte prompts

"No! She doesn't get to walk away after telling us she has freakin_ cancer_, that she could _die_!"

"I've barely had time to process myself Amelia" Addison snaps, causing everyone to look at her

"My _life _went straight to hell in less than _72 hours _ago. So I _know_ you're upset _and hurting and scared_ but, I can't handle you being pissed off at me. I'm trying to hold it together and being here and seeing how upset you all are when...I haven't told my kids yet; I wanted to make sure that everything else was straight first before I go and _ruin their lives_ and-"

"Baby, let's just go" Sam says leading his wife away from the conference room where all of their friends sit, still utterly and completely shocked by the news that they've just received.

_xx_

The private plane ride to Seattle is quiet for Sam and Addison, who is staring out the window.

"Hey, c'mere" Sam beckons to his wife, who smiles softly at him before walking towards him as he pulls her onto his lap

"Hi" she says softly, pressing a kiss to his lips

"Hi beautiful" he says, wrapping his arms around her, holding her close

"Are you scared Sam?" she asks, her voice child like almost

"I've been scared since the moment I found out but, we've got our deal, right? You're gonna fight to get better, right?" Sam asks

"Right, I promise" she says quietly

"You scared?"

"All the time"

"But hey, you and me? We're gonna be fine, right?"

"Right; because I can't lose you" she says

"I can't lose you either" Sam says softly, holding her tight

Sam and Addison are greeted by Mark as he leads them into his apartment where all of Addison's friends are waiting, though the look on their faces lets her know that someone (namely Amelia) has beaten them to delivering the bad news.

"So I'm guessing Amelia called, huh?" Addison chuckles lightly as Callie pulls her into a hug

"Maybe" The dark haired Latina mutters, hugging her friend tightly

"Oh yeah, Amelia definitely called, because I don't think I've ever seen Bailey cry before" Addison says with a smile as she envelops the smaller woman into a hug

"Amy called" Derek mutters before pulling the redhead into his arms, holding her for what felt like an eternity, whispering tons of apologies to her

"How long do you have?" Richard wants to know

"He didn't say how long I had; his priority is that he get in and do surgery and start rapid, advanced chemo as soon as possible"

"You think this guy is the best?" Mark questions

"I've referred nearly all of my cancer patients to him; he's the best" Addison says with a small smile

"He'd better be" Mutters, pulling the redhead into a hug

"He is Mark, I promise"

"He'd better be; because I'll be damned if you go and die on me Red" Mark whispers

"I"m not going anywhere Mark, I swear to you, I'm not going anywhere" Addison whispers back to him, wrapping her arms around him tighter.

"I can't lose you Red" Mark mutters

"You won't lose me Mark, I promise...hey, hey, Mark, look at me. I'm not going to die, alright? I can't afford to die...I made a promise to Sam, and to myself that I wouldn't die; besides, I don't wanna die" she says, getting a bit choked up at the thought of dying

"Hey, hey, and you won't. You're gonna fight like hell not to die" Mark mutters, holding her tighter, kissing the top of her head. Both Sam and Lexie understand the relationship between Mark and Addison. Do they worry that their significant other will cheat on them? Sometimes, but they also understand that, Mark and Addison will always have a special connection, mostly because of everything that's happened between them since Derek pretty much forced them together. Also, Ella plays an even bigger role in their closeness. Sam and Lexie also know that Mark and Addison's relationship is too self destructive for it to even work out; plus, the love that Mark and Addison have for both Sam and Lexie is undeniable so, that makes seeing the two exes holding one another close, a little bit easier.

* * *

She needs a breath of fresh air; sure, seeing all of her friends in Seattle is good, but the undertones of sadness and sympathy make this trip just a tad bit depressing.

"You okay?" Derek asks, his voice ripping through her thoughts

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine; I'm totally fine" Addison says, keeping her eyes out on the Seattle skyline

"Ya know, for some reason, I'm not buying that" Derek says with a smile, moving to stand next to his ex wife

"There's a party going on in there" Addison says, turning to face Derek with a smile

"Yeah, a party in your honor" Derek says, returning the smile

"Yeah, because they're all scared I'm gonna die" Addison says, her smile fading

"Are you scared, that you're gonna die?"

"I have stage 2 cancer Derek; I always feel like I'm going to die"

"I'm sorry" Derek says suddenly

"What?"

"I said I'm sorry"

"Derek, stop"

"No Addison, let me finish I-"

"If you're about to give me some 'I should've been a better husband' speech because you're scared that I'm gonna die, save it. I don't want pity" Addison says in annoyance

"Then, what do you want?"

"I want this to not be happening. I want...I want your apology to come because you realized just how much of a dick you were when we were married"

"Addie..."

"No just...can we just, pretend, for just a moment, that we're still in New York; Mark never happened, Meredith never happened, we never came to Seattle...you didn't become a workaholic. What do you think our lives would be like right now?" she asks Derek who sighs, taking her hand in his as they both stare out into the distance, imagining their lives together.

"We'd definitely have kids by now, 2 maybe 3"

"4" Addison says softly

"4? You with 4 kids?" Derek says, slightly amused by the idea of Addison with 4 kids

"Yeah, 4; because that way, no one would get lonely"

"We could have just 2, like you and Archer"

"Maybe; so we'd have between 2 and 4 kids"

"Or we'd have a couple kids and working on a few more"

"Are you kidding? No. If we hadn't had all of our kids by now, there's no way in hell I'd be pregnant at this age"

"So, we'd have..."

"Colin" Addison says with a smile

"Colin?"

"Mmhm. Our first baby would've been a boy. He'd probably be 7 by now, 8 maybe?"

"Colin. Colin James Shepherd. Colin, like-"

"Like your father, and James, like your grandfather; we always did agree on that name"

"He'd look like you" Derek says with a smile

"Nope; he'd look like you. Your eyes...okay maybe my eyes...but definitely your hair"

"Then we'd have-"

"Avery. Avery Katherine, or Avery Alexandra Shepherd, another miniature Derek, but with my sense of style, of course" Addison says, making Derek chuckle

"Okay, okay so there's Colin and Avery and then-"

"Christopher...or maybe Abigail...Abigail, yeah, Abigail would be the youngest...all of them would have dark hair, like yours"

"I don't know I definitely think one of our girls should have red hair like their mother" Derek laughs

"With names like Avery and Abigail, they should definitely have dark hair, like their father...yep, 3 dark haired Shepherd children with our eyes"

"You mean 4 Shepherd children don't you?"

"What?"

"Of course there's Colin, who'd be 8, then Avery who'd be about 6 or 7. Then there's Abigail, who'd be about 3, maybe 4...and then there's our little surprise...Madeline...no, I take that back, 2 surprises" Derek says

"Wait, 5 kids?"

"Of course; we'd have to keep trying until we got 2 boys, because I'd refuse to stop trying until we had at least 2 boys. We'd eventually get a boy on our last try...but with our luck, we'd end up with a boy and of course, another girl"

"So Colin, Avery, Abigail, Madeline and, need I ask the name of our darling surprise 5th child?"

"I'm thinking Roman, or Daniel...if he's Roman, he could have dark hair like me; but if he's Daniel, he'd have to be a redhead, like his mother,-"

"And what about Madeline?"

"Madeline Elizabeth Shepherd, our perfect and possibly only redheaded child"

"_Madeline Elizabeth Shepherd_?"

"Yeah; because Mark would've been trying to get us to name one of our kids after him, and we'd eventually give in" Derek says, making his ex wife laugh

"I can see me just saying something like 'Oh fine Mark, whatever we'll name her after you, sort of"

"Yeah, he'd carry her around the hospital like-"

"Would we still be working at Mount Sinai Derek?"

"I think I would; I'd probably be chief by now. You, you on the other hand, you would've quit your job"

"What?"

"After Colin, maybe once Avery was born; you'd realize that the hospital was no place to raise kids so, you'd step down as head of Neonatal, let Johnson step up, and you'd focus more on your practice. Your hours would be much more controlled...oh but don't worry, you'd still have full surgical privileges, because you're too much of a surgery junkie to completely give up the OR; but you'd definitely see you cutting back a lot"

"Do you think we'd still be living in the city?"

"Oh no not at all; after Colin was born, maybe when you were pregnant with Avery, we'd move some place more, laid back...maybe we'd move to Boston"

"Boston?"

"Yeah, I mean, family would be the most important thing in the world to me so, if I wasn't chief, I'd be okay. I'd take a job at Mass Gen or maybe even a teaching job at Harvard"

"I could see you as a professor, or a lecturer; like my father was...but let's be clear, we'd both still end up in someone's OR from time to time"

"You know, Boston sounds like the perfect place to raise our kids; there or Connecticut"

"You'd raise your kids in the same town as your mother...wait, would Bizzy still be alive then?"

"I'd like to think so, yes; though she'd hate the idea of me having 5 children...Archer would think I was crazy but-"

"He'd be the best damn Uncle, aside from Mark of course"

"Yeah; I can see the two of them having major contests to see who's the better Uncle"

"Oh yeah; our house would be filled with toys of all sorts" Derek said, making his ex wife laugh

"I don't think we'd have a maid; I can sense myself using the phrase 'Guys, please pick up your toys' alot"

"What do you think our kids would be like?"

"Oh they'd be crazy; Colin would be like you, and Abigail, she'd be just like me"

"What about Avery and the twins"

"Those 3 would be interesting. Daniel would be like...Mark and Archer"

"Mark and Archer?"

"Oh yeah; because those two would piss me off a lot while I was pregnant with him"

"What about Avery and Madeline?"

"Avery would be like Amelia, sassy, bossy, didn't know how to filter"

"And Madeline?"

"She'd be our little tomboy...you'd love taking her out with you and Colin and Daniel to play soccer and she'd love going camping"

"I could see Avery turning down anything that had to do with her getting dirty"

"Yeah, yeah you're right" Addison says laughing

"Ya know, we'd have been married nearly 20 years by now"

"That'd be interesting to see, us married nearly 20 years"

"How do you think your mother would feel about us having 5 kids?"

"I think mom would still be skeptical about you"

"Hey!"

"But she'd respect you, to a certain point once she saw how you pretty much gave up your career for the kids. I don't think she'd ever tell you but, she'd really love you"

"I think your nieces and nephews would be jealous of our kids, because your mom would spoil them the most"

"Oh yeah; I could even see my sisters trying to convince their husbands to have more kids"

"Now that would be funny" Addison said, turning to face Derek, a smile on her face

"Now there's something I haven't seen in what feels like ages" Sam says, walking out onto the deck

"Derek and I were just, talking; reminiscing about the past and how much different everything is"Addison says softly

"Yeah; I'm glad I was able to make you smile Addie"

"Yeah, thanks Derek" She says, watching her ex husband walk back inside

Though the idea of a life with Derek sounded really wonderful, and how for a split second she wished that it were all true, she couldn't imagine a life without Sam, or Mark, or Ella, Henry or Paige

"You okay?" Sam asks, wrapping his arms around her

"Yeah, just...thankful to have you in my life"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I am"

"Good, because I love you Addison"

"I love you too Sam; I love you and our kids, more than anything" She mutters wraps her arms around him

* * *

Ella's birthday, is an all out spectacle; Addison made sure that Ella had the best time of her life, and of course she did. The downside to this? Addison didn't know how stressful it would be to have 30 kids(including kids from the practice as well as kids from Seattle) in one place while desperately trying to hold it together in front of family and friends who all know about the recent change in her health. She smiling and playing with her children, trying to be the perfect hostess, but Sam can tell that it's really wearing her down.

Seeing his wife in their kitchen, he takes the perfect opportunity to get her alone.

"Hey gorgeous" he says, wrapping his arms around her waist as she leans into him

"Hi honey, having a good time?" she asks

"Yeah, I think the kids are really enjoying it...you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah; I just, I forgot about how stressful kid's birthday party's are" she says

"Maybe you should rest, ya know, go and spend time-"

"And do what? Watch Mark look at me with pity eyes or have Derek think about the life we could've had if he wasn't so absent in our marriage? Or how about I sit down and have a good old chit chat with Nae, who is only being nice to me, because I have cancer? Yeah, no" she says turning to face him

"Baby-"

"No Sam. I don't want that; I don't want any of that. Today, I just wanna get through Ella's birthday party and make sure that she's happy" The redhead says with a sigh, just as the birthday girl comes into the kitchen, a huge smile on her face

"Hey you, having a good time?" Addison says, putting on a brave face for her little girl

"Uh huh! This is the best birthday ever!" Ella says hugging her mother tightly, to the point where she's wincing in pain

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself honey" Addison says once Ella lets go

"Can we open presents now, please momma? Please, please please?"

"Alright, alright, we can open presents now" Addison says with a laugh as she's practically dragged out of the kitchen by her 8 year old

_xx_

"I'm worried about her" Sam says to Mark as the two of them stand in a corner watching Addison, who currently has Paige on her lap

"She's gotta be supermom, you know Red" Mark mutters, taking another sip of his drink

"Yeah, she always did have to overcompensate with the kids" Sam says

"I think its because of Bizzy, ya know? She had a pretty crappy childhood so, she's gotta make sure that Ella, Henry and Paige don't have one, especially since I'm all the way in Seattle and she's here in LA" Mark says as the two of them continue watching the redhead who gives them both a look that screams that she's anything but okay

"She doesn't look so good" Mark says, watching Addison more intently

"You're right, she doesn't look good" Sam says as he walks towards his wife

"Hey, you okay?" he asks

"Okay, maybe you were right...this is too much, I'm really tired" she says to him

"Alright, lets get you inside, you need to lie down for a bit"

"But-"

"Addison" And its the way he says her name that lets her know that her not resting is not up for discussion as she hands Paige off to Callie, allowing Sam to lead her inside where the noise is at a minimum.

"Sit" Sam says before heading towards the kitchen to get his wife a glass of water. When he comes back, he finds her stretched out on the couch

"That tired huh?" he chuckles, taking a seat next to her, allowing her head to rest in his lap

"Mmhm. Remind me to never plan a party this big again" she mumbles as Sam runs his hands through her hair

"She okay?" Naomi asks, startling the pair as they look up at her

"I just put Olivia down for a nap in, Paige's room I think?"

"Oh, that's fine" Addison says, too tired to move

"You okay superwoman?" Naomi says with a smile as she moves to sit on the coffee table, watching her former best friend

"I just wanted Ella to have, a good day today, that's all" the redhead says with a sigh as Naomi reaches out and takes her hand, gently squeezing it as the two remain silent for a while

"You're a good mom Addison" Naomi says softly

"Thanks"

"A better mom than I ever was"

"Nae, stop; you're a good mom Addie, you're there for your kids, you were there for my kid when-"

"Naomi, that's all in the past now" Addison says quietly

"I'm sorry Addison-"

"If you're about to give me some 'I'm sorry because you're dying speech' then don't Nae"

"Addison-"

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Derek in Seattle: don't apologize to me because you think I'm dying. Apologize, because it's what you want to do"

"Addison...what you and Sam did to me was-"

"It was wrong Nae and I know it; it's not as though Sam and I planned on falling in love, being together. It happened, and I can't change that; and to be honest, I don't know if I want to" Addison says quietly

"I watched you two, for a long time after I found out, I watched the two of you together and, I saw it. I saw just how you two felt about one another and, I got upset because, it's the real thing; this wasn't just some game for the two of you. This, what you two have, is real; it is very real. It upsets me because, when I told Sam that the next woman he was with had to be, extraordinary, I just, I didn't expect it to be you"

"Neither did I Nae; if you had asked me 6 years ago if I saw any of this happening, I would've thought you were insane"

"Turns out, we're not insane, and it's happening; it happened. You and Sam, and Maya and Dell and me with Betsy and Ella and Henry and Paige and...it all happened Addison; we can't change that. It happened and it changed everything between us. Nothing will ever be the same, we can't go back to what we used to have, to the friends we used to be. As much as I want us to, we can't; too much damage has been done, on both sides" Naomi says

"So, what do you suggest we do?"

"We start over; let's just, start over. I don't think we'll ever be best friends again, but I'd like us to at least be friends, really good friends. There's too much history between us for you and I not to have some sort of friendship" Naomi says with a smile

"Yeah, I'd like that, for us to be friends" Addison says, a small smile also tugging on her lips

"Now, I know you don't want any apologies, because you don't wanna seem weak but, Addie, I really am sorry

"Nae-"

"Just, hear me out; you're my best friend, my very best friend. We've known each other since college, that's a long time to know someone. You're like my sister Addison, and I love you very much. You've been such a good friend to me over the years, you've never judged me, you've always given me sound advice, you were there for me when I needed you to be there. I can't imagine my life without you in it, and now, now you have-"

"Hey, I'm not dying Nae; I made a promise that I'd fight like hell and that, is what I'm going to do. You're my best friend too, and I hate that things have changed for us over the years but-"

"None of that matters now, it's all in the past. The only thing we need to focus on, is you kicking this cancer's ass" Naomi says

"That's what I plan on doing"

"She has no choice; she made a promise to me" Sam says, finally speaking since his wife and his ex wife had began talking

"You make sure she keeps that promise Sam"

"I have no other choice but to keep my promise; otherwise, I'd never see moments like that" Addison says, pointing to Ella, who was smiling from ear to ear, happy and completely oblivious that in just a few hours, everything she ever knew was about to change.

* * *

Lying in bed with her husband that night, Addison can't sleep; it seems to elude her for some reason.

"You okay?" Sam asks, as is reading her mind

"I just...today was a good day" she says softly

"It really was; I don't think we've ever gotten Henry to go to bed willingly" Sam laughs

"Yeah; he and Paige always put up a fuss about going to sleep but tonight, they just, fell asleep" she says as Sam wraps his arms around her

"You okay?"

"I just...I'm scared Sam; I mean, I have to tell the kids tomorrow, the surgery is scheduled the day after that and then I start...chemo; oh God, that sounds so weird saying. I start chemo soon" she says, turning so that she's facing her husband

"Hey, I love you, okay? I love you and it's going to be fine; we, are going to be fine Addison, I promise you that"

"Make love to me"

"What?"

"This is probably gonna be one of the last times that we get the chance to for a while and, I want it to be special" she says, staring him in the eyes

"You sure you want to? I mean, after last time, I don't wanna-"

"You didn't hurt me, I didn't know I was sick so, it wasn't you. I don't_ want_ to Sam, I _need_ to" she says, pulling him in for a kiss

"Okay, okay, but we'll take things slow" Sam mutters against her lips

"I was hoping you'd say that" she says, pushing him down onto the mattress before climbing on top of him.

"We do need this" Sam mutters as his hands move underneath her top to lightly cup her breasts

"We most definitely need this" she moans before sliding his boxers down his legs, just as he rolls them over so that he's now on top.

It's not about how long they can go, or how rough or how hard the sex is; tonight, it's just about them, being together as one, one last time before everything changes. He takes his time with her, slowly thrusting into her, kissing her as if he'll never kiss her again. He kisses her, until she is breathless, moaning his name into his mouth as she grips his shoulders tightly, whimpering from the amount of pleasure she's in. When she cums, she has to stifle a moan, as her eyes screw shut and her nails dig into his skin.

Once they both come down from their high, they hold each other tightly, wanting to hold onto this moment forever. They eventually fall asleep in one another's arms, dreaming about what the next day would hold them and whether their love would be enough to survive what was to come...

_Part III to follow..._


End file.
